


forty-five yards

by fridgefish



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Football, Alternate Universe - High School, Danton's the kicker, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Sean's the quarterback, Some Fluff, american football that is, anders is the hype man and im proud of him, brief reference to verbal/physical abuse but nothing graphic at all, lots of bus rides, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-25 18:08:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17730119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fridgefish/pseuds/fridgefish
Summary: “Plus, we’d get to hang out more. And that would be sick.” Sean smiled at him, all teeth, the ‘please’ unspoken.“Okay. Okay okay okay.” Danton sighed. This could be fun? His dad would certainly approve. “Tell him I’ll do it. Or I’ll try out, or whatever.”And that was how Danton ended up in front of the entire football coaching staff, with Sean’s arm around him again, being introduced as ‘the best kicker since, like, Groza.’





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [delayofgame](https://archiveofourown.org/users/delayofgame/gifts).



> see end notes for spoilery tws
> 
> thanks to [@cjmasim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmasim/pseuds/cjmasim/works) for the original prompt on Tumblr that started this whole thing!
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr [@fridgefishwrites](https://fridgefishwrites.tumblr.com)

**May**

“Danny! Hey, Danny, wait up!” Sean called, doing a half-jog to grab the back of Danton’s backpack and pull him to a stop. He turned around, annoyed, but then softened when he saw it was Sean who was demanding his attention.

“Dude, I have class in like, a minute and a half and I _can’t_ get caught skipping again-”

“No, this’ll only take a second. I told coach you’d be our kicker next year, so I’m just letting you know.” He grinned.

Danton sputtered. “ _Sean_. You know I’m already too busy as is- I’m taking AP Calculus next year, man. Also, what is my soccer coach gonna say? No way, you’ve gotta take it back.”

Sean slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him to the side of the hall, out of the way of the milling students hurrying to get to class before the bell. “You know next year is going to be really good for us. We’ve finally got a chance at playoffs. But coach told me that Drew got caught with weed in his backpack yesterday, and there’s no strings left he can pull to keep him on the team. You know he was the only guy who could even get it between the posts. Coach already told me it’s not going to interfere with your soccer schedule, and if you’re as good as I said you were, they’ll take care of your dues. We _need_ you!” He squeezed Danton’s shoulder for emphasis. “It’ll be fun. All you have to do is kick. We’ll make state this year, I’m sure of it, but not if we don’t have a kicker.” 

Sean was… convincing, to say the least. Danton was never really sure how they became such good friends. They got paired together in Chemistry this past year and both decided they were going to write funny notes back and forth to each other on the black formica tables instead of paying attention. Danton was pretty good at science and eventually Sean came to him for homework help, and that turned into games of frisbee after school, which ultimately turned into one of the most popular guys in the school acting like Danton was something more than just an average, quiet guy. At least, that’s how he saw it. Danton had managed to fly under the radar for the first two years of high school, and that was how he preferred it. He wasn’t an outcast by any means, he had some pretty good friends and was usually happy. He was proud of his own achievements in his own right. His mom always made sure that he knew that the A/B Honor Roll was a requirement, and he was definitely going to be asked to be in Mu Alpha Theta next year, which was nice. He was a key player on the soccer team in his own right, but barely anyone ever showed up to the soccer games. They always played on weird nights of the week, and of course football took up all of the money and attention that the school ever cared to give. 

Sean was the quarterback, which was an instant guarantee of popularity, but besides that he was friendly, and kind, and handsome. He was every teacher’s pet even though he was a fairly average student, because that was just the kind of guy he was. When they first met, some part of Danton always wanted to hate him, but he just couldn’t. Sean constantly surprised him with how thoughtful he could be. He even came to some of their home soccer games that spring and sat in the student section with maybe four other students. He’d never admit it, but Danton knew deep down he really didn’t have any interest in being there besides watching Danton and going to get milkshakes after. Danton always wanted to hang out with him, and always wanted his attention, even to the point where he kind of embarrassed himself if he ever took time to analyze how he always said yes to Sean. 

“Plus, we’d get to hang out more. And that would be sick.” Sean smiled at him, all teeth, the ‘please’ unspoken. 

The bell rang. Danton hated being late. If it would’ve been anyone but Sean talking to him right now, he would’ve already ended the conversation and been in class.

“Okay. Okay okay okay.” He sighed. This could be fun? His dad would certainly approve. “Tell him I’ll do it. Or I’ll try out, or whatever.”

And that was how Danton ended up in front of the entire football coaching staff, with Sean’s arm around him again, being introduced as ‘the best kicker since, like, Groza.’

**June**

“You’ve got power, kid. Like, damn.” Coach whistled after Danton had sent the ball clear across to the opposite end zone without much difficulty. “We’ve just got to get you a little more accurate, no problem, there’s plenty of time.”

Football camp wasn’t for another month, but Danton had been instructed to come up to the school as much as he could that summer to refine his skills. It was more complicated that he would’ve thought- he knew he had decent legs, just because he’d been playing soccer since he could run. But there was so much technique he’d never appreciated. It was all about consistency. Every kick, the same starting point. Accounting for wind and his own fatigue. Building muscle memory. Keeping his head down and completely still- that was maybe the hardest thing. 

Oh, and what Sean had failed to mention was that he would be kicking and punting. Whatever. 

Also, since Sean had so confidently compared him to Groza and Gostkowski (and five other names that meant nothing to Danton) without ever seeing him attempt a field goal, the pressure was on to deliver. He’d met a few of the football players, but he didn’t know them all and really didn’t want to be the laughingstock of some sixteen-year olds who looked like they’d been shaving since they were twelve. Of course, disappointing Sean was out of the question. He could do this. He could do this! 

There were a few days when he was out on the field all by himself, trying to build muscle memory, and seeing how many times in a row he could make a field goal.

One early Saturday morning, he was about to be on number eight from the thirty-five yard line without missing when he saw Sean’s truck pull into the lot nearest to the field. 

“Hey!!” Sean screamed as he stood up with a foot still inside the truck, leaning his head out and waving eagerly.

Danton was surprised. But he was really, really happy to see Sean. 

“Hey yourself!” 

Sean ran around the gate onto the field and threw a white powerade in his direction, football-style. 

White powerade was Danton’s favorite flavor by far. 

“You gotta hydrate before you die-drate!” Sean laughed as if he’d made that up himself. He pulled Danton in for a quick hug and then plopped down on the grass. He looked up at Danton, waiting for him to follow suit. “C’mon, drink up and then tell me how it’s going.”

Danton lowered himself to the ground and cracked open the powerade. The grass under his legs was itchy and would inevitably stick to the sweat that had just begun running down his thighs. It was still morning, but the sun was starting to beat down on the open field mercilessly. As if to spite his internal hesitations about sitting on the grass, Sean had completely laid down next to him like the short-cropped field was his bed, his hands folded underneath his head, and Danton found himself momentarily speechless after gulping down half the bottle. It’d been a few weeks since he’d seen Sean, and those few weeks of sunshine had done him well. He was tan and relaxed, and his hair already looked a shade lighter. “Well?” Sean asked. “Are you as good as I said you were?” 

“Mmm…” he hummed, fiddling with the shoelaces on his cleats. “I’m doing okay. Still have a lot of practice to do.” 

“In that case,” Sean said, sitting up without pretense, “let’s get to it.” He grabbed up the plastic kicking tee Danton had been using and threw it to the side, kneeling down in its place with a football in his hand from the netted bag full of spares. 

He should’ve anticipated this happening sooner, but what if he slipped and completely missed the goal? What if he _didn’t_ slip but just missed the goal because he sucked? What if Sean was wrong and he sucked?

“I’ve only been doing this for a few weeks-”

“Danny, shut up and kick the damn ball.” 

Danton took a few steps back and measured the scene up. Sean had set him up perfectly, all he’d have to do is just-

**July**

“I’m telling you coach, it’s just like I said. I went and held for him a few times early June and he was making like, every kick like it was nothing. He’s already doing fine from the thirty-five and he’s just getting started, I can tell. It’s natural talent, seriously.” Sean gushed. He wasn’t aware that Danton was right around the corner. He’d frozen when he heard his name, and he thought his face was going to melt off when he realized what _Sean Kuraly_ was saying about him.

Sean was his friend, sure. But there was always a realization from his peers that he was going to be something special. There was absolutely no doubt that he was going to go play for a big university. Scouts had already been at his games as a sophomore- that’s how good he was. It wasn’t completely crazy to think the NFL was out of reach for him. There were plenty of reasons Sean was respected by his teammates, but there was an acute and unspoken knowledge that he had athletic abilities that are rarely seen. It gave his words and actions a weight.

Danton barely knew his way around the fieldhouse, but he managed to find his way to the locker room after dashing away from the sound of Sean’s voice from fear of being caught eavesdropping. He was early for their first day of summer training camp, and there were only a handful of guys in the room already. 

“Hey Dan!” a friendly voice said, to his utter relief. A locker door closed to reveal Charlie, the guy who sat behind him in English 2 last year. He already had his pads on, which made him look even bigger than he was. Charlie was a linebacker, if Danton remembered correctly. He showed him around the rest of the locker room and introduced him to a few other guys on the team.

Looking around at the chipped black and gold paint on the concrete blocks that made up this space, Danton let himself feel a little bit excited for this season. He got settled in his stall and fiddled with the new duffel bag they’d given him for all his things.

He wasn’t prepared when Sean entered the room, pulled him up by the arm from where he sat, and dragged him in front of everyone.

“Boys!” he announced, with the authority of someone twice his age. 

Danton swallowed. Was he about to get hazed or something? 

“This is Danton. Heinen. He’s coming to us from the soccer team, and he’s my friend. You’re allowed to call him Dan, but not Danny. He’s going to be the best kicker this school has ever seen. And I swear, out there on that field, you better not let any bitch ass fool try to jump him. Everybody cool?” 

The room was silent for a moment, not because they didn’t like what Sean had to say, but because they were waiting for him to finish. 

“Yeah, Dan!” someone cheered, and then the room burst into some scattered applause and lots of yelling. 

He gave a shy wave and sat back in his stall. That could’ve been a lot worse, he supposed. 

Soon they were all jogging out to the practice field, defense to one area, offense to another, and Danton was led in a third direction by one of the assistant coaches. They drilled for hours, until his whole body was sore and his hair was soaked with sweat. 

He only saw Sean once that day, when his group was on break. He’d jogged over from the back practice field seemingly only to pour half a bottle of ice water down his back and say, “The boys are taking bets to see how bad your sunburn will be tomorrow.” 

How very nice of him.

It was a long and grueling week. They had a few scrimmages on Friday, and that was a lot of fun. Danton got his first taste of what it was going to really be like to be a Bruin. Plus, he’d already made some new friends. Most of the guys were pretty nice, and Danton kind of regretted thinking that they were all going to be mean. Of course, he mostly hung out with Sean during breaks, but he’d also made fast friends with Matt and Charlie. Another guy who was technically on the roster but was injured, Anders, introduced himself as the “Official Team Hype-Man.” 

At the end of camp, some of the parents had gotten together to bring enough watermelons for the whole team. Coach Cassidy was splitting them open with a big bread knife right on the grass, and the slices were being eaten as soon as he could cut them. Danton got his own thick slice and found an empty spot on one of the sideline benches.

“Helluva week, huh, Danny?” Sean said, appearing out of seemingly nowhere, with his own slice of melon in hand. Sean was about as sweaty as a guy can be, and he didn’t smell too fresh either. He took a huge bite and let the juice roll down his chin.

Danton followed suit. “Yeah,” he said around his watermelon, “also, fair warning, I’m about to take off my cleats.” He undid them with his free hand.

Okay, his feet stunk way worse than he was expecting. 

“Jesus,” Sean squinted and brought a hand up to his face, “I knew you warned me, but holy _shit._ ” He gave Danton a shove and laughed.

“Hey man,” Danton was laughing too, but stopped himself to put on a fake-serious face. “It just proves that I’ve been working hard.” 

“Oh, is that so, Mr. Heinen. Well then, I am very glad to have been made so very aware of your contributions. However my nose sure as hell isn’t glad.” 

Danton chucked through another mouthful of watermelon, wishing he had something else to say. 

“Ah, but for real, man, you’ve been doing really good. And I’m really glad you’re here with us.” Sean said, putting a hand on his shoulder. 

“Oh. Well thanks. I’m glad I’m here too. Well. Glad you convinced me.”

**August**

Danton would never admit it, but he’d never actually been to one of the school’s pep rallies before. There were always way too many kids squished into the gym, all screaming and going completely hog wild. To top it all off, the entire marching band was always in attendance to play pump-up songs for the students and the football team, and the sound was beyond deafening. Yeah, his shameful retreat to the library wasn’t going to win him any school spirit awards, but he’d never felt like he’d missed out on anything. Garden Central High just wasn’t something he wanted to scream and cheer about, you know?

This year, though, the pep rallies were mandatory since he was on the team. Every Friday, the players had to wear khakis with their black collared shirts with the Bruins logo on the breast, and they looked sharp. 

The secretary announced over the intercom for all the football players to be released to the gym for the pep rally, and for whatever reason, Danton felt slightly nervous. Maybe it was because the entire student body was about to look at him stand around awkwardly while the cheerleaders did their chants and the dance team attempted a kickline. Yeah, probably that.

They all lined up in the hallway, and Danton craned his neck looking for Sean, but couldn’t find him. Who he did find, however, was Anders, his arm still wrapped up in this very padded sling. 

“Can’t play this season, and I’m so freaking bummed, man. I fell off my longboard this summer and just shattered the thing, man, it’s awful. But I’m gonna be bringing sooo much _jam_ to the team. I mean, really pulling my part.”

Danton nodded, like any of that made sense. He was pretty sure ‘pulling my part’ wasn’t actually the saying, but whatever. Anders was pretty nice. 

“You know what we’re gonna do, right? Okay, so everybody goes in and gets in their sections, then the band plays the Fight Song, then we go in, everyone loses their minds. It’s great. Coach Cassidy will say something, Sean will probably say something.” He was being quite animated with his one good hand. “Then the cheerleaders are gonna do some cheers, you gotta clap even if they suck. The band will play something, maybe the drumline, that’ll be dope. Then the dance team, well… you’ve seen ‘em. Then… I don’t know what. Then we do our huddle, and I lead the hype, and then we bust out of there like we OWN this freakin’ place. Yeah?”

There was no point in trying to explain to Anders that he didn’t really catch any of that. “Yeah, man, got it, thanks.” 

More or less, it was exactly like Anders said. The team walked in to the tune of the fight song, in a halfway tunnel made up of the cheerleaders holding up their black and gold pom-poms. The drums reverberated in the gym like crazy, and Danton could feel the bass in his ribcage, thundering louder than his heart. 

When Sean took the microphone from the vice principal to speak, Danton thought the walls were going to shake with how loud the cheers from the student body were. 

“Hey everyone, I’m-” Sean thrust the mic away from his mouth after some truly ear piercing feedback made the crowd scream again, but this time much less enthusiastically.

“Let me try again,” he said, with that winning movie-star smile, “Hey everyone, I’m Sean Kuraly, and I’m the quarterback this season-” he paused for cheers. “As you guys know, our first home game is tonight, we’re playing the Panthers, so I hope you all come out and support us tonight. We’ve got great things going this year, and we’re excited to get started and win some games. Uhm, yeah. Go Bruins!” He handed the mic back to the nearest teacher, and gave a little wave to the crowd before rejoining the group of football players on the floor.

The principal was about to announce something, but before he could say anything, Anders shouted at the top of his lungs, “Let’s go Bruins, let’s go! LET’S GO BRUINS, LET’S GO!” 

The whole gym caught on, and there was no control left to be be had. It was the atmosphere of a huge party. 

The final thing left to do was huddle up with the team. Anders took his place in the center, and everyone grouped together and threw arms around each others shoulders. Danton didn’t really want to be too far in the center of the group, but Sean grabbed him and threw his arm around him, effectively pulling him to the most congested area. 

“Who are we?” Anders screamed.

 _“G C!”_ Was the response.

“Who are we?”

_“G C!”_

“Who are we?

_“G C!”_

“NOW BREAK IT DOWN!”

_“Hoo ahh ooh ahh ooh aah ooh ahh eyyyyy!”_

“BRUINS ON THREE! ONE TWO THREE!”

_“BRUINS!”_

Danton left the gym feeling like a god.

“Anders was born for that, huh?” Sean joked. 

The won that first home game, and Danton saw how a person could get addicted to the feeling. His field goal kicks were beautiful, and Sean told him so. When he wasn’t on the field, which was most of the time, Anders kept him company on the sideline. Nothing was more beautiful than hearing the band play, nothing was better than seeing the whole student section jump up in joy when they scored. Nothing was better than Sean jogging off the field, right to him for a high five.

**September**

He discovered the unparalleled joy that was away games mid-September.

First off, they were released to the cafeteria early, so he got to miss his boring English class and Ceramics. The team got the whole place to themselves. Danton sat down at the end of one of the long tables and was soon joined by Sean, Charlie, and Anders. This was so much better than his usual lunch company.

Then, they went out to the fieldhouse to get their duffel bags and their bag meals for dinner. Someone towards the front of the line announced that it was Subway sandwiches with chips and a pack of Oreos. Danton caught a glimpse of Jake fist-pumping the air like he’d just won the Superbowl after he’d convinced whoever was handing out the food to give him two packs.

He didn’t give any thought to seating arrangements until they were all heading towards the buses parked outside of the front of the school. Charlie and Anders were definitely going to be sitting together, so both of them were out of the question. He’d just find an empty seat, or-

“Danny! Hey!” he heard Sean from behind him, and he turned to see him running his direction with a huge smile on his face. “We’re sitting together, right!?” 

“Yeah, man!” 

Nice. 

Sean was as comfortable and bubbly as Danton had seen him since the summer. There was an exciting feeling in the air- they were all going on a trip together! And they got free Subway! 

Anders and Charlie were sitting in the very back bench seat of course, and as soon as they started leaving the school Anders stood up and screamed, “Let’s GOOOOOOooooooOOOOO BRUINS!” 

That got the whole bus screaming, which got the bus driver screaming for them to all sit down and shut the hell up.

“Pst. Look, I brought my blanket,” Sean said with a smile like he was sharing a secret. He was already scooted up in the window seat as he pulled out a fluffy blanket with a Batman symbol on it. “Sometimes it gets cold on the bus coming home, because the cold air blows through the windows, so I luckily remembered to bring it for us this time.” 

Danton tried not to think too hard about the ‘for us’ part of that sentence. Like, had Sean been planning on sitting with him this whole time? Of course he considered Sean his best friend, but he was never totally certain if that feeling was mutual. Sean was nice to everyone. That’s just how he was. 

“Also, I know you’re a quiet guy, but you’re going to talk to me on this trip,” Sean said, pulling out his pack of Oreos, “or else I’m going to get really bored.”

“You’ll never make me talk!” Danton said in his best old-timey detective movie voice.

“Oh, we’ll see about that!” Sean laughed as he grabbed the back of Danton’s long hair.

Jeez, that kind of hurt. “Fine, fine, okay!” 

They did talk, actually, about everything. Sean was an endless talker, and had a thousand different ‘Would you rather’ questions that he always asked with an urgency, like he needed to know right then if Danton would rather lick an earthworm or Charlie’s socks after a game. 

Sean ripped open his pack of Oreos twenty minutes into the trip and Danton followed suit, because why the hell not. He popped one into his mouth and Sean gasped in mock horror. 

“What?” Danton said, muffled by his mouth full of cookie.

Sean placed a hand over his own heart. “Dude. You’re doing it completely wrong. There is only one way to eat Oreos. Please watch and learn.” 

He unscrewed his Oreo and scraped his bottom teeth along the cookie that had icing on it with dramatic precision, going over it twice to be sure he’d gotten everything. Then, he spiked the two cookies back into the grocery bag without ceremony. 

“Did you just- are you gonna throw those away??” Danton was incredulous. This was disgraceful.

“Duh. Cookie part is nasty. The icing is the only part worth eating.” The sun came through the opposite window and shone on Sean’s face, suddenly making everything about him shine golden. Danton’s heart dropped a little bit. He was just a really handsome guy, okay?

“Sean, I know you think you’ve never been wrong in your life, but the cookie is the best part. Also, you’re a monster.”

He nodded for a moment, and then wiped away a faux tear. “Danny boy, I am going to ignore that insult because that statement made me realize that we truly are perfect for each other. We can basically double our cookies. I’ll eat the icing, and you’ll eat the rest. We will save the environment.” He grabbed Danton by the shoulders and shook him. “We will _save the world!!”_

“Sean, can you shut up!?” A voice screamed from in front of them. Probably David.

That’s how Danton, horribly germ-phobic Danton, sat and happily ate the cream-free cookies that Sean handed to him one by one. It was so nasty, honestly, and he couldn’t explain it, but it was so fun for some reason. Maybe it was the adventure of the whole thing- being released from school early, the wind coming in through the cracked bus windows blowing his hair and his t-shirt around, the joy that always came from being around Sean. 

The sun was warm and everyone was joking and laughing and full of anticipation. It was a memory Danton would look back on fondly, a little slice of time when a school bus was his entire world.

They won the game that night, smashed the Rangers out of the water. 42-14.

The ride home was maybe even more fun than the ride up there, because at some point Anders stood up and started leading the whole back half of the bus in song. They were high off their win, horribly off key, and would take any excuse to dance in the center aisle for as long as they could without getting yelled at.

Sean performed Bohemian Rhapsody for the bus with all his heart, using Danton’s fist as his imaginary microphone, and Danton laughed so hard his abs hurt worse than after a workout.

**October**

They were undefeated until October 3rd.

The Garden Central Bruins were taking on the Washington Eagles, one of their most bitter rivals. It wasn’t because they were actually the closest school to Central High in the division, it was because Washington High School was stupidly nice. It was one of those school that had a ‘cafetorium’ instead of a regular lunchroom. Their football field had a jumbotron. There was actually soap in the dispensers and toilet paper in the restrooms. Well, maybe Danton couldn’t complain about that one. 

Washington kids were stuck up and wore loafers and brand name everything to football games and they were sworn enemies. Their football team was consistently a playoff contender and they always had new gear. They’d won State last year. Everyone hated them. That was just that. 

This game wasn’t going to be the difference between going to the playoffs or not for the Bruins, but every game was crucial at this point. Especially being able to gloat in the Eagles’ faces.

Danton kicked just fine that night. He only had two field goal kicks, and he made them both with no problem, made it look more than easy. He’d relaxed a bit in the fourth quarter, dancing and singing along with Anders to the band’s rendition of ‘Sweet Caroline,’ when the Eags broke free and made a huge 70-yard play for a touchdown.

Now they were tied up, 14-14, with 3 minutes remaining. 

“LET’S GO, SEAN!” Danton screamed without permission from his brain. He looked around- his teammates were standing still, shell-shocked. “C’mon, guys, get up, let’s go!” 

He’d like to say it wasn’t Sean’s fault, but well. 

Something went awry, something got miscommunicated, the team was scattered, and then Sean fumbled right into the hands of the Eagles.

They took it to the house, and the final score that night would be 21-14, Washington. 

It was a hard loss, and the team was bummed, but it wasn’t the end of the world. They were still ranked #2 in their division. They’d outplayed Washington High the whole night, and it was just a few mistakes in the end that got them. Next Friday was a whole new ball game. Coach Cassidy told them as much as they were undressing in the visitors’ locker room. 

Danton slid into his seat on the bus next to Sean, who was already there, sitting directly forward and scowling. He silently handed him a powerade, and Sean took it without so much as a thanks. 

“Hey, don’t take it so hard. Shit happens.” Danton offered as the bus growled to life.

“It’s literally all my fault. So excuse me if I take it hard.” Sean snapped back. 

Danton sighed. “C’mon, man, it is not _all_ your fault.”

“Uh, yes it is. I fumbled. Right into their hands, Danny. I literally hate myself.” he groaned, pushing a hand through his hair.

“Okay, let’s think about this. If I would’ve messed up somehow, I don’t know, punt went short or something, you wouldn't say that kind of stuff to me. So you shouldn’t say it-”

“-yes I would.” Sean interrupted.

Maybe he didn’t understand where he was going with that. “I mean, you wouldn’t blame the whole game loss on me,” Danton clarified.

“Yes I would. If you would’ve fucked up and cost us the game I would blame you. Because it would be your fault.” Sean said, his voice unusually icy. The lights had gone off on the bus, and Danton wished he could see Sean’s expression better.

“Forget I said anything then,” Danton said, his words lacking the bite that Sean had. “I’m just trying to make you feel better.”

They sat quietly for a while until Sean started digging in his backpack for his earbuds. 

“I mean, you don’t have to carry the weight of this whole team on your shoulders. We all play and so if we lose, it’s everyone’s fault, you know?” Danton just really wanted Sean to understand.

Sean didn’t reply. He plugged his earbuds into his phone, put one in his right ear, and gave Danton the other one. He picked a Chance the Rapper album, and closed his eyes.

Danton’s favorite.

When they arrived back at the school, Sean was one of the first off the bus. By the time Danton had gotten everything in order and started walking to his car in the parking lot, he could see someone standing by the passenger door. 

“Hey Danny, it’s just me. Do you think you could give me a ride home?” Sean asked in the darkness, voice quavering.

“Sure, no problem, but is everything like… okay? Is the battery dead? You want me to jump it off or-”

“No!” Sean refused, weirdly quick. “I mean, nah, I’ll just get my mom to bring me back up to get it tomorrow, no big deal.”

Danton knew the way to Sean’s place, he’d never been inside, but he’d given Sean a ride home a few times by now. It wasn’t too far from the school. Danton was dead tired- class that morning seemed like an eternity ago. It was almost midnight by now. 

Sean broke the silence in the car after a minute or two.

“I appreciate what you were trying to say on the bus. Sorry if I snapped on you.” 

Wait, was he _crying_?

As if in answer to Danton’s thoughts, Sean gave a heavy sniff. “Fuck, sorry. Sorry. I’m good.”

“Dude, are you okay?” Danton became suddenly and acutely aware of how distressing it was to him that Sean was unhappy. 

“Yeah,” he swallowed thickly and sounded better when he spoke again. “Just the game.” 

Danton nodded, and reached over to pat his knee. “Well, when you’re a famous football player for the NFL I suppose there are going to be plenty of games that you might lose, so it’s-”

“Danny, please, stop. It’s my dad. It’s my dad.” Sean sounded like he was going to cry again. “He’s going to be so pissed. Really pissed. You don’t understand.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing and waited for Sean to continue. 

“He just gets mad when I don’t play well. And he was definitely listening to the game on the radio tonight. And he’s definitely drunk, because he was texting me. Danny-” his voice broke on his name “-you can’t tell anybody, you gotta swear you won’t tell anybody,” he started crying again, “I don’t want to go home, it’s gonna be so bad.”

Danton pulled the car into an empty church parking lot and parked. Sean was trying furiously to stop crying, cursing and rubbing his eyes, but all his efforts were in vain after Danton leaned over the center console and pulled him into a hug. Sean melted into it, burying his face into his shoulder. He started to relax some when Danton started rubbing his back.

“Sean, you know I have to- I mean, does your dad hit you?” he finally asked once Sean had calmed down.

“I get hit in football all the time.” was his monotone answer.

“That’s not what I asked. Does your dad-”

“Only sometimes. Only sometimes.” He took a deep breath. “You can’t tell anyone. I swear, Danny, please. It’s not bad, he doesn’t-” he started searching for words, “if- when- if it happens, it’s not bad. I would tell Coach Cassidy if it ever got too bad. I decided that a while ago. But I only have a year left at home, and if I can just hang on through that I’ll be fine. Okay? I swear to you I’ll tell Coach if it gets too bad, please don’t freak out. He usually only yells a lot and it’s just hard, okay?”

Danton whispered, “Okay.” Suddenly a lot of things about Sean made sense. 

“I’m sorry for freaking out on you,” Sean sighed, already trying to act like that he didn’t just leave an entire wet patch of tears on Danton’s sleeve. 

“Please don’t apologize.” He couldn’t bring himself to look Sean in the eyes, at least not right now.

“I just want you to know, I’m really glad you’re my friend. You’re my best friend. And I know you actually care about me,” Sean admitted all at once. 

This… wasn’t what Danton was expecting. “Of course we’re best friends. You know I care about you.”

“Yeah, I just… It’s just like, everybody wants something from me, you know? Lots of people want to be my friend or want to act nice to me just because they know I’m good at football. Which is a thing that barely matters. I know that’s all my dad cares about, he couldn’t give a shit about me otherwise. And I want to be good at football, but I want other stuff, too. But you…” Sean lifted his hand as if to move to touch Danton, but then he didn’t. Danton wished he would’ve, and then felt really confused as to why he would want that. “You don’t have some kind of… secret agenda. We’re just best friends because that’s what we’re meant to be.”

Danton drove him home.

He laid in bed that night, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Sean’s words. Did he have some kind of secret agenda?

Sean was his best friend. It was normal to want to hang out with your best friend a lot. It was normal to like it when your best friend hugged you. It was normal to feel warm when you felt loved, when you felt needed.

It was all fine. He needed to stop thinking too hard about everything.

The next day, he caught up with Sean as soon as possible. He caught a glimpse of him walking from afar in the cafeteria, and had to stop himself from running to get to him.

“Sean! Hey!” He was practically out of breath by the time he caught up. “Did everything go okay with your dad?”

Sean looked fine, in general. Danton half-expected him to have a black eye or something, and some tension he didn’t even know he was carrying was lifted when Sean turned around at the sound of his voice with a smile. 

“Yeah, man. Let’s sit, and I’ll tell you about it.” 

They ate lunch together, and Sean confirmed that his dad did indeed yell at him for what seemed like ages, but thankfully stayed away from him physically. (“It’s been a while since it’s happened,” Sean added, like that made anything better.)

“You know what? It was totally fine though. Because I thought about everything we talked about in the car. And then while he was yelling at me, I thought about something different.” Sean raised his eyebrows, waiting for Danton to ask him what he thought about. 

“What’d you think about?” Please don’t say, like, naked women or something, Danton thought helplessly. 

“I thought about that time you and I went to Cinnabon and got that giant cinnamon roll and split it. Remember how good it was? And it was so huge. You didn’t think we could finish it.”

He’d thought about them sharing that goddamned cinnamon roll. 

Danton stabbed holes in his styrofoam lunch tray with his fork, unable to respond.

“We’ll have to go get another one soon,” Danton replied finally.

Sean smiled, all sunshine.

**November**

Danton never meant to fall in love with Sean.

He wasn’t entirely sure how it had happened. Had he loved him from the beginning, and only just now realized it? Was it something he did? Was it the time he’d accidentally seen him coming out of the showers? Was it because he’d let Sean cry on him? 

He didn’t even know he liked guys in that way. He’d never really had feelings for anyone before.

There was Kris, his freshman year, the girl who had curly red hair. He’d asked her to homecoming, and they’d danced near each other and left the gym two hours early. Danton had thought maybe he’d had a crush on her, but once he dropped her back off at her house, they’d barely talked since then. His fascination with her curls was nothing compared to this. 

It was eating him up inside. He wanted to touch Sean, so much that his skin buzzed with it every time they were near. Everything in him wanted to kiss him, and feel the way that his chapped bottom lip might feel against his tongue. 

A cold snap hit one night on the bus, and Sean gave him his letterman to put over him like a blanket, insisting that he wasn’t cold. Danton thanked him, pulled the jacket closer to his face, and then pretended to sleep. It was heavy and warm and smelled like whatever sweet-smelling deodorant Sean used. He was warm, right next to him, the motion of the bus rocking them back and forth and the rush of the wind fluttering through the windows, like the sound of the waves made Danton feel like they were on the ocean together. It was a whole new emotion, like his heart had been cracked open.

Danton started being less careful. 

They’d just entered the playoffs, and Sean was playing his heart out like he’d never seen. It was incredible. It was like everytime he was handed the ball, he somehow found a new source of energy and strength to keep playing like it was the first seconds of the first quarter. And so, as their road trips became longer with their new opponents, Sean started falling asleep on Danton’s shoulder. Two Friday nights in a row. 

The temptation to touch him was nearly unbearable. The bus got quiet after the first hour on the road, everyone worn out from a hard battle, and it was completely dark save for the occasional light from a streetlight or gas station somewhere in the distance. Sean was sound asleep with his mouth hanging open. He was still pretty as ever, though. Danton allowed himself to push his hair out of his face where it had fallen, as gently as he possibly could. It was nothing. No one would have thought anything of it, probably. But Danton’s heart was beating out of his chest. 

The next Friday, Sean brought a pillow, because their opponent in the quarter finals was four hours away. 

They won. Again. But just barely.

14-10. 

Semi-finals would be at home. 

Sean put the pillow against the window and flopped onto it as soon as the bus started rolling, uncharictaristically silent. He’d stripped to his tank and leggings for the ride home, and he wasn’t happy with his performance. There’d be no late night conversations tonight.

“You can lean on my shoulder, if you want.” he said, and then closed his eyes.

Well, who was Danton to refuse? 

He leaned over to rest his head on Sean and try to be still and fall asleep, but he knew better. Sean was totally out by the time they’d hit the interstate, and Danton was content to have his cheek on Sean’s bare shoulder for the rest of the trip home. If they won semis, the final would be at a university stadium. There would be a huge crowd. Sean had already told him about the scouts that would be there for the game. It was going to be on television. 

Danton was probably going to make a C in AP Calculus. There wasn’t much to be done at this point. His life had been swallowed whole by football and Sean. He wouldn’t have recognized himself this time last year. He hoped he could still be in Mu Alpha Theta, but he’d take state championships over a math honor society any day. 

They won semis. Sean played the game of his life. It was unbelievable. 

The would meet the Washington Eagles once again at the State University stadium in one week.

__________

Sean threw off his helmet, and his hair was drenched with sweat even in the November chill. “God _damnit!_ ”

It was like deja vu, except maybe worse this time around. The Eagles just tied the game 21-21 with only 1:45 remaining in the fourth quarter.

The Bruins called a timeout, and Danton was ushered into the center of the huddle. 

“We can’t run it. Their defense is too good, there’s just not enough time. There’s no way we could pass all the way down field either, these short passes aren’t going to cut it,” Coach Cassidy said in a rush. “I didn’t come all this way to lose, and I sure as hell didn’t come all this way to lose in overtime. Danton, we’re gonna get you as close as we can, and then you’re going to kick a field goal. Ball game. Let’s go, boys.” 

The offense started jogging to their places, but Sean grabbed Danton by the top frame of his shoulder pads and pulled him close. “You’re going to make that fucking field goal, Danny, you got it?”

Sean didn’t give him a chance to answer, but Danton still yelled after him that he was the greatest since Groza. 

The best they could do was the 45 yard line. Danton wasn’t really sure if he’d ever made one that far out even in practice.

He’d like to say that he had a lot of emotions when he walked out on the field, but it was as if his body was emptied of everything but the one thing he knew he had to do. Later, he could barely remember those last few minutes of the game. 

Sean held for him. That bastard.

He didn’t even see the ball go between the posts.

__________

It was magical, everything was like a dream, with his breath catching in his chest, his heart still pounding, everyone on the bus was on their feet and screaming.

_“State Champions!”_

Danton put him arm around Sean to steady them both on the swaying bus, the occasional street light casting a orange glow over his face for a brief moment at a time, like a flash photograph. “You’re the best kicker we’ve had since like, ever!” Sean shouted in his ear, laughing incredulously like this was something he’d just realized. He smacked his chest with passion, emotion making his throat well up. “You won that championship for us, Danton. I’m just so fucking glad it was you.” He smashed a slightly wet kiss to Danton’s cheek, and everyone who saw screamed and laughed.

The rest of the guys were singing ‘We Are the Champions,’ and Danton didn’t know he could feel like this. He didn’t have words for it. Maybe Anders did, though.

_“SEAN KURALY IS THE GOOOOOAT! KUR-AL-Y! KUR-AL-Y! KUR-AL-Y!”_

__________

The following week, Danton was entirely fueled by the feeling of bringing that trophy back to Garden Central. People who hadn’t cared anything about him before this year were coming up to him now, congratulating him on his victory. People knew his name. They all knew that he was the guy who kicked that crazy long field goal that won the Bruins the game.

Well, it wasn’t _that_ long, he’d tell them, but oh no. Every time someone told the story, the distance from the goal increased by at least 5 yards, until someone asked if it was even possible to kick an 80 yard field goal. 

Sean was so happy, and so genuinely proud of him. Danton ached with it. 

He thought about the kiss he’d given him on the cheek at least once an hour, at least. He was going to tell him how he felt. There was no way around it. Everytime they talked, ‘can I kiss you?’ was always on the tip of his tongue. If he could win state championships, he could do this. It wasn’t out of the question to think that Sean could feel the same way, right?

But what were they going to do, be boyfriends? That seemed… well, Danton hadn’t really gotten that far in his head yet. All he knew was that every bone in his body wanted to kiss Sean, wanted to hold him, wanted to touch his hair while he napped and not be eaten up with guilt. 

Sean texted him on a Thursday night and told him to pack his lunch from home the next day.

When it was time for lunch on Friday, they snuck away from the lunchroom and out to the practice field. 

“I just wanted to eat out here today with you,” Sean explained. “It’s a nice day.” 

Sean walked all the way to the center of the field before sitting down with his lunchbox. Of course. Danton followed suit, and he didn’t even think about the grass being itchy. Sean was sitting so close to him, everything about him golden, framed with green grass and rich blue sky. 

“I kinda wanted to ask you about something,” Sean started, strangely hesitant. Sean had never been hesitant to ask Danton a question in his life. 

“Oh, I do too. But you go first.” Danton insisted. He was trying not to hold his breath. What if-

Sean absentmindedly plucked at the grass near his feet, eyes wandering. “You know Kris?”

What?

“Kris…?” Maybe he was talking about a Chris on the team?

“Kris Harper? You know, the girl you went to homecoming with that one time?”

Danton was actually going to throw up. 

“Yeah, what about her?”

“Well, I was just wondering what you thought about her.”

There was no way Sean didn’t hear his heart beating out of his chest, notice somehow his internal distress. There was no way he could be asking him this right now. He’d never mentioned any girls before.

“She’s alright, I guess. I don’t really know her.” Danton was speaking, but the words were empty.

“We’ve been talking and stuff. I think she’s really cool. I kinda want to ask her out.” Sean said, with a wistful smile.

Danton nodded. “You should do that.” 

“Yeah? You think?” Sean laughed at the thought. Smiled, thinking about asking out Kris Harper. Probably taking her to prom. They’d be a beautiful couple. It would be nice. She was kind. She would be kind to him.

“Yeah,” Danton swallowed. “She’s cute.”

“Okay,” he grinned stupidly, as if Danton had convinced him right then. “Alright, now what was your question?”

“I uh,” 

Was this what it felt like to have your heart broken? Why did he let things get so far? Why would he think Sean would be anything but straight? If he burst into tears right now, would Sean hold him like he held Sean all those weeks ago? Would he kiss him in pity, just so he could know what that mouth felt like against his? Was Danton a freak for loving him all this time, everything he’d done in secret? He’d kissed Sean’s freckled shoulder once while he was asleep, so softly it was barely a kiss at all- would he be disgusted if he knew? Could Danton just be his friend after he’d let himself feel so deeply, so much? 

Sean cocked his head, still smiling. “Danny?”

“Do you think I should cut my hair?” was what came out.

“What?” Sean said, scandalized. “No! The golden flow is legendary, man!” He reached out to tug on a chunk that came over his shoulder. “Anders would probably weep if you ever touched it. You’ve gotta keep it through next season, at least.”

“Okay,” Danton said. “I’ll think about it.”

__________

At the end of the day, they saw each other in the parking lot again.

“Feels weird not to have a game, huh?” Sean asked, loitering outside his truck like he always did.

“Yeah, s’pretty weird.” Danton needed to be away from him, just for the rest of today, at least. 

“Well, I’ll see you Monday. Love you.” 

“I love you too. See you.”

Sean opened his truck door with a little wave.

“Wait! Sean,” Danton said, before Sean could get in the driver’s seat. 

He turned, eyebrows raised. “What’s up?”

Danton’s throat was tight, but he tried to make his words come out steady. “Do you think we’ll always be friends?”

Sean gave him a face- the ‘you’re a little weird but I still love you’ face. “Yeah, of course.”


	2. spring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> see end notes for spoilery tws

**December**

The rest of the semester passed faster than Danton would’ve thought. Sean was so swamped trying to catch up on all the work he’d neglected during the busy football season that he hardly even saw him, which he tried to tell himself was a good thing. Of course he missed seeing him all the time. When football season was in full swing, it felt like they’d spend more time together than apart.

When they did bump into each other in the hallway during those last few weeks before the winter holidays, it hurt more than anything when Sean would flash a smile and throw a hand on his shoulder. His feelings towards Sean were still there, as much as he wanted to force them down, but the fantasy that Sean could reciprocate was long dead. 

Danton tried to keep his mind off of Sean, but it was as if the more they were apart, the more he ached to be with him again. And somehow, he still managed to avoid him for the most part until after Christmas break.

__________

During the break, Anders’ house was the place to be. He invited Charlie and Danton over practically every other afternoon to play Xbox, and Sean was always invited too, but he never showed up. Danton didn’t dare ask why.

Danton was especially grateful for the guys then, because he’d been expecting to have a pretty lonely break. Sean was the only person he really ever hung out with, and now he was probably busy with Kris or whatever. 

On New Years, Anders had the whole gang over plus a few other guys from the team: Jake, Pasta, and Chris. They made a bonfire in his backyard, and Anders’ older brother came through with a few beers for them. As he sat around the fire, happy and a little buzzy from the beer, Danton realized that he’d never had such good friends. 

The part of his brain that never let him have any fun reminded him that this would all be different if they knew the truth about him.

**January**

Sean called him a day before they went back to school.

“Hey man,” he said when Danton picked up. “Can you hang out?”

“Sure, let me grab my keys.”

Fifteen minutes later, he found himself at Cinnabon. He’d never say no to Cinnabon- or Sean, for that matter.

Sean greeted him with a tackling hug as if they’d been separated for three months, not three weeks. “Danny boy, I didn’t think the break was ever going to end. Seriously.” He shook him by the shoulders and continued before Danton could reply. “I brought you this from Chicago.” He pushed a keychain into his hand. It was a tiny silver model of the Bean sculpture on a chain. “I saw the Bean. I thought it would be funny to lick it, but then I saw how many people were touching it, and… yeah. I know you’ll be happy to hear that I didn’t. Oh my god, I have so much to tell you.”

Sean squeezed his bicep and walked off to the counter to get them a cinnamon bun while Danton found a seat. He could tell that Sean was in a really talkative mood, which was great for him, because they hadn’t really spoken since that day when they ate their lunch on the field. He was scared of what he might say, what he might accidentally reveal since he’d had the whole break to mull over his feelings. Danton was never particularly annoyed when Sean dominated a conversation, but today especially, that was probably best. 

“Well?” Danton said as Sean plopped down in front of him. “What’s been going on?”

“Well,” Sean began around an unreasonably large bite of cinnamon bun, “Me and Kris were a thing for like, five seconds,” he paused to swallow. “I mean, she was cute, but god, Danny, we had literally nothing to talk about. I mean, I know I’m boring, but we really didn’t have a single thing in common. She didn’t know anything about sports. Nothing. She hasn’t read Harry Potter? _Or_ seen the movies? So I mean, at this point,” Sean made a vague gesture with his hand. “I asked her to go get Cinnabon with me, basically as a last-ditch effort.” 

Danton tried not to wince- Cinnabon was _their_ thing. The idea of Sean taking a girl here on a date- yeah, he didn’t want to let his imagination run away with that one.

“And you know what she told me? That she _didn’t like cinnamon buns_. Who doesn’t like cinnamon buns?! I guess maybe she didn't like me. Which. Whatever.” He scooped up some of the icing that had melted off the side of their bun with his finger and sucked it clean. “I mean, I don’t even know if I really liked her. She never gave me the chance!”

Danton nodded wisely. It was probably better if he just… didn’t say anything to that.

“Okay, news part two: my mom got a new job and she’s moving. Two states over.” Sean became more solemn. 

“Why wouldn’t you tell me that first?!” Danton asked, incredulous. 

“I don’t know! I just… I don’t know. It sucks.” 

It would suck. Sean’s parents had been divorced since he was a little kid, but they both lived within 25 minutes of each other. Sean lived with his dad during the week, and usually went over to his mom’s on the weekend. That’s just the way things were, Danton had never asked why. Sean had never made any indication that he wasn’t happy with this system, until recently, as his dad had started drinking more. Danton didn’t know if his mom knew about it, but it was his best guess that she didn’t, especially if she was moving away. 

“Because like, I don’t know, you know how my dad has been lately. But I’ve always lived with him. I like living with him. Except when he’s… you know. But I can’t move away with my mom, not now, anyway.” He’d abandoned their cinnamon bun. “Things have been going really well at GC, and I mean, I can’t move for my senior year. That’s crazy.” Sean kicked Danton in the shin underneath the table. “I would miss you and my other friends so bad. I already looked, too- the high school where she’s moving is complete trash. They play in Division 1. No way.” 

He crossed his arms in an over-exaggerated display of confidence that Danton didn’t buy for a second.

“Well,” he wanted to choose his words carefully, “you know, you can always come to my house if things get… uh… with your dad, you know.” 

Sean looked down at his hands, pushing at a blister with the side of his fingernail. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate it.”

**February**

After that meeting at Cinnabon, their relationship went back to normal- or whatever normal was for them before. Sean and Danton had two classes together this semester, including a Literature class where they had to read through Othello aloud. Sean was assigned Iago, and Danton had to read for Cassio. It was an unreasonably good time, and although Danton usually hated speaking aloud in class, Sean always tried to go for the most over the top and evil voice possible. He made the whole class laugh every time. Danton wasn’t quite that bold, but he did try to put some inflection in his voice when reading the lines.

Garden Central’s soccer division had their season in the spring, so Danton was starting to get busy with that, too. Sean might be the star of their football team, but Danton was certainly the star of their soccer team. It’s just unfortunate when the team that you’re the star of isn’t very good. 

Danton still loved Sean. The sharpness of it wore off a little, somehow. Maybe things became easier once they were no longer sharing breath, huddled in a bench seat in the cool of the night once a week. Just regular friend interaction, Danton told himself, they were just regular best friends. He thought they might not hang out together quite as much as they did last semester, just to help him get over it, maybe, but Sean always found a way to insinuate himself into whatever Danton was doing. 

Sean often joined him for training after school- running around the track until the sun sank behind the pressbox. It was good for him to keep up his endurance, he always insisted, even though Danton knew he trained with the other guys on the powerlifting team every morning as well. 

“I might be faster, but goddamn, do you ever get tired?” Sean asked one evening, doubled over and panting. 

“You’re not even faster. You’re just faster in a wind sprint, that doesn’t even count.” Danton retorted. He was winded, sure, but he wasn’t _dying_ like Sean was right now. 

“That’s still faster, though.” 

“It literally doesn’t count.”

“Yes it does.”

Danton took a swig of water. “Okay then, I’ll race you 100 meters right now and we’ll see who’s faster.” 

“Whoa whoa whoa,” Sean laughed, his eyes crinkling up. A bead of sweat dripped off a chunk of hair that had flopped down onto his forehead. “I’m already tired now though. We’ve run like… three miles at least. That’s no fair.”

“Hey bud, I ran that same distance, so it’s definitely fair. If you’re faster than me you should be faster all the time.” Danton knew Sean could never resist a challenge, and Sean had trapped himself into this one.

“Fine. Let’s go then,” he huffed in fake annoyance, and started walking to the edge of the straightaway on the track. 

Sean counted them off, of course, trying to give himself a head start, and they took off sprinting towards the other end.

Danton pushed through the ache that was already in his legs, and beat Sean by several paces. He whipped around, elated in his victory. 

“That’s endurance, baby! En-dur-ance,” he laughed, until he realized Sean hadn’t stopped spriting and was coming straight towards him.

“Whoa- oh no no no-”

“I’ll show you endurance!” Sean growled, and tackled Danton backwards onto the field.

Danton wasn’t going down without a fight, and grappled against Sean’s back while trying to get a leg hooked around the back of his knee. Sean yelped and tried to get a hold of his arms, but Danton had already gotten him a little off-balance and they tumbled down into the grass. 

“It’s over now,” Sean screeched, and they rolled around like kids until Sean was able to pin Danton down. He grabbed his wrists and held them down on either side of his head, and bent over him, out of breath. 

He was heavy, all of his weight on Danton’s hips, his sweaty face leaning down so close that the longest part of his hair brushed his forehead. Having Sean on top of him like this was too much. But he couldn’t do anything about it now. 

“Say I win,” Sean said, still out of breath. He searched Danton’s eyes, and Danton didn’t know what he saw there, but suddenly Sean drew back with raised eyebrows. 

He’d given himself away, somehow. A high blush, maybe the look on his face, there was no telling. But there was no mistaking the way that Sean was looking down at him now- like all of the pieces of the puzzle had fit together all at once. But for whatever reason, he didn’t move. 

“C’mon, Danny,” he nearly whispered, still breathless, “say I win.”

Danton was breathless, too, but for an entirely different reason. “You win.”

**March**

They never talked about it, Sean never asked him any questions, but Danton knew without a shadow of a doubt in his mind that Sean had him figured out. There wasn’t anything to be done about it, really, because Sean acted completely normal after that day on the track. Maybe he felt sorry for him? Or maybe he was just going to ignore whatever he saw? It didn’t matter. Danton told himself this was the best-case scenario. Really, he was lucky.

Considering how much they saw each other during the day, they didn’t ever text or call each other very much. In fact, Danton couldn’t remember the last time Sean called him just to talk. Which is why when his phone lit up from a call from Sean at half past eleven one night, he scrambled to answer. 

“Hey, is everything okay?” He tried to keep the panic out of his voice, but it came through anyway. He had to whisper- his mom was already asleep, and yeah, he was in high school, but she was still pretty strict about what time he should be in bed and asleep as well.

“Danny, hey, I uh,” the sound cut out for a moment, “I was wondering if I could crash at your place tonight.” There was a lot of background noise. It sounded like he was driving.

“Yeah, of course. Is-” 

“And your parents can’t know that I’m over. I don’t want them asking questions.”

“Oh. Well in that case, you’ll have to come in through my window,” Danton answered.

Sean huffed out a laugh. “Whatever, man. Thanks.”

“Is everything okay though?” 

“Uh,” he paused. “My dad isn’t, uh, I mean, he’s pretty mad tonight.”

“Okay.” Danton took a deep breath. “I’ll see you in a minute.”

__________

Danton pushed his window up slowly, pleading silently that the squeaking from disuse wouldn’t wake his mom. “Okay, is that enough?” he whispered furtively. “Can you get through?”

“Yeah man, hang on,” Sean murmured, and crawled through the open window headfirst. He ended up halfway falling into a pile of dirty clothes, halfway into Danton’s arms. Danton pulled him up by the elbows, resisting the urge to immediately crush him into a hug. 

He didn’t have to resist for long, because Sean collapsed into him before he could get out another word. “Thanks for uh, letting me in,” he said into his shoulder. 

“Of course.” 

Sean let him go, and Danton turned him by the shoulders to see his face in the glow of the orange streetlight that poured into his bedroom. There, high on his right cheek and beneath his eye, was the bluish purple tinge of a blooming bruise. There was another mark on his jaw, sickly yellow and slightly swollen. 

“ _Sean_ ” he whispered. “We need to-”

“No. I need to go to bed. That’s all I want to do. Please don’t make me do anything else.” His shoulders sagged, defeated. 

“Shouldn’t we call the police?” Danton knew he was pushing it, but he had to ask.

“If you call the police I’ll never forgive you,” he spat out, suddenly cold. “Let me figure everything out in the morning. I just want to sleep.” 

Danton nodded. “As long as we’re both quiet, my parents probably won’t wake up, so you’re good. I’ll go sleep on the couch.” He turned to leave, but Sean caught him by the sleeve. 

“Danny, I uh…” he swallowed. “I don’t want to be alone right now.” 

Of course. 

Danton crawled into bed, and decidedly did not watch when Sean stripped out of his jeans and sweater. He lifted the corner of the blanket by way of invitation, and Sean slipped in the bed next to him. It was almost impossible not to touch- Danton had a twin bed. He turned on his side and pushed up as far against the wall as he could.

“You can’t tell anyone.” Sean whispered.

“Okay,” he replied without thinking. 

It was so quiet that Danton could’ve sworn he heard Sean’s hot tears hit the pillow. 

When he woke up, Sean was already gone. He left only a warm spot and the window halfway cracked open.

__________

Danton wasn’t expecting Sean to show up to school.

When he heard Charlie scream “Kuraly!” from a hallway over, though, there was no doubt that he was there, black eye and all. By the time Danton made it through the crowd of students around the corner, Sean was already telling Charlie some very animated story.

“Speak of the devil!” He said when he saw Danton walking up to them. “I was just telling Chuck how you gave me this shiner when you were going off on me yesterday.” Sean looked at him hard, his eyes telling all. He wanted Danton to cover for him, because of course he did.

“I don’t believe it,” Charlie said. “There’s no way. You’re too chill,” he poked Danton in the chest. 

“Well, believe it,” Danton said. He was a terrible liar. He felt like he was reading his lines for Cassio in Literature. “He just pissed me off, so I uh…” 

“He just clocked me in the face. Guess I deserved it though,” Sean said with that laugh he did when he wanted teachers to like him. 

Charlie frowned. “...but you’re all good now?”

Sean looked at Danton, waiting for him to answer. “Yeah, you just gotta… let it out, sometimes. You know.” 

At that moment, the bell rang, and all three of them scrambled to get to class with a few ‘see you laters.’

Danton really would see Charlie later, because after class that day, as he was heading out to the field, Charlie caught him by the arm from around a corner. He was waiting for him. 

“Okay, cut the bullshit,” Charlie hissed. “You’ve never punched anyone in your life. So why are you lying for Sean?”

He wasn’t anticipating this. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Wow, good one. 

“Yeah you do. If someone has a problem with him, then I do too. So give me a name.” Charlie was red in the face.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“He asked me not-”

“Sean asked you not to tell? Of course.” Charlie squinted at him. “You’ve got your head up his ass, man. We gotta have each other’s backs, okay? So if-”

“Charlie.” Danton took a deep breath. “You said it yourself, right, we gotta have each other’s backs. And I gave Sean my word. So I’ve got to stick by that for now.” 

Charlie nodded. “Fine.” He started as if he was going to walk away, but then stopped. “But if I see him hurt again, and you haven’t done anything about it, I’m going to be coming after two sons of bitches. You understand what I’m getting at here?”

Danton felt a little scared of Charlie for the first time in his life. “I got it.”

**April**

Sean started inviting himself over every weekend. His bruise faded quickly, but it didn’t fade quickly from Danton’s mind- and Charlie’s words didn’t either.

Danton didn’t know how to ask about it, but Sean never left him in the dark.

“It’s usually on the weekend when he gets… bad. And so if I’m not around on the weekends it’s fine. I’m going to give it another month. If he’s not better, I’ll talk to Mom about it. I just-” he sighed. “It’s just complicated, okay? I have a lot going on. A lot to try to balance, you know?” Sean was barely whispering, but Danton could hear every word.

Danton’s dad had gotten out a blow up mattress for Sean to sleep on, but when they’d both gotten tired of playing Xbox, Sean had crawled into Danton’s bed right after him without a word of explanation. 

What was Danton going to do, tell him no? Or point it out? 

“You don’t have to carry this all yourself, Sean. I think your mom would rather know about this than… I don’t know. I don’t think she’s going to make you immediately move schools or something like that.” 

Sean reached out and pulled a chunk of Danton’s long hair over his face. “I don’t want her to get my dad thrown in jail or something.” 

Danton’s brain was so completely overloaded- concern for Sean and his well-being, but also? He was in his bed? Again? Willingly? He was so warm- he made the bed almost too hot, but Danton would rather die than take off his pajama pants right now. 

And he had been so certain that Sean _knew._ But maybe he’d been mistaken. He wouldn’t be this close to him if he knew. 

“Wouldn’t your dad go to rehab though? I mean, I don’t know everything, but-”

“How long do you think you’ll let your hair grow out?” Sean said, pulling on the same chunk of hair a touch too hard. He was done talking about it. 

Danton shrugged. “Dunno. To my knees.” He made Sean laugh, and it took everything in him to not gather him up to his chest and keep him there for the rest of the night.

__________

Sean slept in his bed for three weekends in a row.

Danton felt like he was lightheaded half the time. The first weekend he was so occupied by worrying about Sean that there wasn’t room for him to feel much else. The second weekend was bliss- those nights they were both happy and muscle-tired after hard workouts, and spent the evenings joking in bed until they both fell asleep with a half-smile on their faces. Danton woke up in the mornings pleasantly warm and halfway tangled up with Sean, the smell of clean sheets and skin the only thing he knew. 

The third weekend started off as absolute torture.

There was a difference in the way Sean looked at him. Danton couldn’t place it. They still joked, still nearly got into a fist-fight after Danton accused Sean of screen-watching on the Xbox for the thousandth time, but when it started to get late, there was something in the air that made Danton’s pulse jump.

Sean pulled off his jeans and sweater, same as he’d done for the past three weeks, and then climbed under the covers. He lifted the corner of the blanket for him like it was his own bed. Danton turned off the lamp immediately. He wasn’t sure if he could handle looking into Sean’s eyes right now. 

They turned away from each other in the bed, both taking slow, deep breaths. That was Friday night.

Sunday night was more of the same. Except this time, when Danton clambered into bed after Sean, he didn’t turn to face the other way. He turned off the lamp, and lay there.

It had to be past midnight. They’d only gotten into bed at eleven. And now they were laying next to each other, pushed to either side of the twin bed to avoid touching. Danton felt more awake than he’d ever felt in his life. The tension tonight was palpable, and surely Sean could hear how loud his heart was pounding. Being this close was maddening. If he couldn’t relax in the next few minutes, he was going to have to sleep on the air matress himself, as much as he would like to stay warm and wrapped up here with Sean. 

The whole world was so quiet, so still, that even their tiniest exhalations felt deafening. Danton pulled the sheet over his mouth to try to muffle it.

Sean was awake too, and through the dark, he could barely make out the glisten of his eyes staring back at him. He wiggled a little bit, and then pushed his hand out from underneath the covers. Danton’s arm was lying between them, palm up, and Sean started slowly tracing lines on his forearm with the lightest touch.

“When I was little,” he mouthed, the barest of whispers, “my mom used to trace words on my arm, and I would guess what she was writing. I liked it because it kind of tickled.” 

He kept tracing, slowly. It was dark enough that Danton couldn’t see the tremble of his hand, but not so dark that he couldn’t see that Sean was looking into his eyes the whole time. 

“Okay, what’d I write?”

Danton realized suddenly that he sincerely had no idea. He couldn’t think straight. “Do it again?”

Sean started again, and his fingertips were so feather-like on his inner arm that it sent shivers down his spine. 

_D A N T O N_

“Guess again.” Sean whispered, a smile in his voice.

“Danton.” 

Sean hummed in affirmation and started tracing again. He shifted in the bed, rustling around to pull himself up on one arm.

_S E A N_

“This is too easy,” Danton murmured, and they were so close that he could feel Sean’s hot breath when he huffed out a little laugh. “Sean.”

“There’s another game,” Sean continued. His breath hitched and he swallowed. “Well it’s not really a game.” 

This was getting out of control quickly, Danton realized a moment too late, as Sean’s hand moved from his arm to his head. He cupped the shell of his ear with his hand and started running the tip of his thumb across the ridges, just as gentle as he had been when he was tracing his forearm. 

“It’s like a train,” he whispered. “Going over the hills and valleys.” 

“Sean,” Danton began, a warning; one that he couldn’t bring himself to finish.

“You can’t forget to ring the bell,” Sean continued, gently pulling on the lobe of his ear.

Danton fought to not laugh aloud. “You’re so weird.” 

Sean wiggled closer. It didn’t take much. “You like that about me, though.” He relaxed his hand so that it was now resting on Danton’s cheek. 

“Yeah,” Danton said lamely, “I do.” 

They were close now, so close their noses were nearly touching. Danton was hyper aware of every flex of Sean’s hand, how his fingers were slowly getting caught up in his long hair. It would be so easy to lean forward and just-

“Hey Sean?” 

Words were now coming out of his mouth without his permission. Great.

Sean wiggled his fingers in response. 

“Can I kiss your cheek?” 

“Yes,” he replied breathlessly. 

Danton leaned forward and pressed his lips to the softest part of his face, the fullest part of his cheek.

It wasn’t enough.

“Sean,” he whispered, urgent, “can I kiss you?” 

“Yeah,” he nodded. “Please.” 

Danton pulled himself up as Sean brought their lips together with his hand still resting on the nape of his neck. 

He’d always heard that your first kiss was never as exciting or as special as you make it out to be in your mind. That it would be awkward, that it wouldn’t go right, that the other person might not like it. And maybe it was a little awkward, a little sloppy- but as Danton let himself be cradled by Sean’s sure hands, to him, that first kiss was perfect. It was the release of the emotions he’d been fighting for so long. Tenderness was oozing from Sean’s every move. Surely his bones were going to shatter from being touched with such care. 

He moved back, scared that Sean might shy away after that first touch. He had barely taken a breath before Sean reached up to kiss him again. His lips parted sweetly, moving against Danton’s just right. He was trembling, ever so slightly, and when he moved his hands up the back of Danton’s sleep shirt, Danton in turn threw his leg over Sean to get a better angle to kiss him. His arms were bracketing Sean’s head on either side of the pillow, and the moment he deepened the kiss, it was as if Sean got loose and floppy beneath him. Every time he’d move to pull away, however, Sean would reach up and grab his face, as if he was scared he’d stop. As if he _could_ stop. 

Danton used to love flipping through books about art when he was a kid- nose to the glossy paper, staring at the tiny dots that made up the pointillism of Seurat, tracing across Monet’s horizon, twisting to try to mirror Picasso’s warped figures. All his life, he’d had a good idea of what they looked like. Of what this would feel like. But Sean had him feeling like he was standing in the Louvre, with the real thing right before his eyes, close enough to touch, so much better and real and beautiful than his imagination could’ve created. 

Danton ran his tongue along Sean’s slightly chapped bottom lip, like he’d imagined all those months ago, and then he pulled it into his mouth between his teeth. Sean was growing more bold, exploring the inside of Danton’s mouth with his tongue. He was making the smallest sounds at every move Danton would make- when he paused to kiss his cheeks, or when he experimentally kissed his neck. Of course Danton had imagined every variation of this scenario before now, but he never anticipated how Sean curled against him so sweetly, so breathlessly.

This was all great, but Danton wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay like this, essentially holding a plank on top of Sean so that they wouldn’t be… touching. As if Sean was reading his mind, he reached back up to the small of Danton’s back and pushed him down, slotting their thighs in between each other. He could feel Sean against him, warm and insistent against his hip. 

He found Sean’s hand and began pressing slow kisses to his palm as Sean pushed his thigh up between Danton’s legs. 

“You’ve wanted to do this for a long time,” Sean panted, not a question. “Haven’t you.” 

“Yes,” Danton mouthed into his palm, not willing to say it to his face. 

“Sorry I made you wait so long.” he said, taking Danton’s hand and dragging it down his chest, further down, until it was where he needed it most. 

“Shh, shh,” Danton found himself repeating in Sean’s ear as they held each other close, pushing and pulling until Sean’s mouth went lax against his jaw in a silent shout and they lay in a sweaty heap under the sheet. They were slightly sticky, and somehow Danton was still wearing his sleep shirt, so he peeled it off and gave them both a marginal wipe-down. 

The urgency was gone, but Sean was still kissing him- any part he could reach. Finally Danton guided their mouths back together. 

Was this really happening? It was all too real for him to have dreamt. 

He didn’t remember falling asleep.

__________

It took Danton a moment to remember the events of the previous night as he blinked his eyes open Sunday morning. Sean was spooned up against him, asleep hard.

Danton carefully extracted himself from the tangle of Sean’s limbs and the sheets- as comfortable as he was, he really needed to piss (and probably put on some different boxers.) 

When he came back from the bathroom, Sean was sitting up in the bed, waiting for him.

“Hi.” he smiled sleepily. 

“Hi yourself.” he replied. He wasn’t sure if he should go ahead and mention last night’s events, or just see if Sean would bring it up. What if it was a heat of the moment thing, and he didn’t want-

“If I promise to keep my morning breath mouth closed, can I have a kiss good morning?” He punctuated his request with a wink. 

Danton could’ve cried with relief. 

“If you promise.” he said, coming to sit on the edge of the bed. “I think I could do that for you.”

Sean just nodded, already committing to keeping his mouth closed. He pulled Danton in, and Danton could feel his whole body relax into that chaste kiss. 

“Now go brush your teeth.” 

Sean returned a moment later, minty fresh and more awake. He stole more kisses from Danton, until Danton pulled back and cleared his throat.

“Before we do anything else, I think we should talk about last night. I-”

“Oh, did you like it? Was everything okay?” Sean interrupted. 

“Yes, of course I liked it, you doofus.” He kissed Sean again, because that was a thing he could do now, apparently. 

“I just- I have… had feelings for you for a long time.” He suddenly wished he would’ve put on more clothes for this conversation. “And I want to be with you. If you want that. We don’t have to tell the world, or whatever, I just want to kiss you again. Like tomorrow. And I want to be there for you. Like a person who.. I don’t know… has feelings. Sorry. I suck at this.” Danton silently congratulated himself on the most awkward Define the Relationship talk ever spoken.

“No, it’s okay. I want that too. We can figure out what to do about other people later. I can’t think of much of anything I want more, actually.” Sean smiled that winning smile, that NFL star smile. Christ.

“Whatever happens with your dad… with your mom… whatever, I want you to know that I really, really care about you.”

Maybe Sean wasn’t expecting him to say that, because his only response was to lean against Danton’s shoulder. He might’ve whispered ‘thanks.’ Danton couldn’t quite hear.

After a beat, Danton figured he should get the final thing out of the way.

“Also, you probably shouldn’t sleep in my bed anymore.” Danton said in a rush.

Sean slowly nodded. “Why… not?”

“Because uh…” He _had_ to be trolling him. “Because I uh, really want to… well I would want to... “ Danton desperately wished for pants. Or maybe a big sweatshirt. Or the forethought to put on clothes. “I want. You. And I don’t think we should do all that yet.” 

“Okay that’s valid.” Sean muttered, face completely scarlet. “But we can still kiss goodnight tonight? That’s okay? Also what happened last night-”

“Of course we can kiss goodnight do you know how much I have wanted to kiss you for the past… since forever?” Danton blurted out. “I mean… yeah. Also last night was good. It’s all fine.”

“Yeah. It’s all fine.” Sean parroted, getting distracted by Danton’s hair again. “Would you say I am a good kisser?” He said, voice getting low as he leaned into Danton’s ear.

“I think my sample group is too small to make any kind of final conclusions.” Danton replied, much to Sean’s delight.

“I’ll show you a sample group, bud.”

**May**

May was a whirlwind. Danton didn’t know he could be this happy.

Sean still came over most weekends, and although he now occupied the air mattress, Danton still considered those tender moments they shared all to themselves some of the best times he’d ever had. 

At school, they were still great friends like they always had been- Danton happy to continue to fly mostly under the radar, Sean constantly in the spotlight, and constantly insinuating himself into nearly everything Danton did. Charlie joked that Sean must have a Danton tracker, because if you were around Danton long enough, he’d eventually show up (except for at Mu Alpha Theta meetings). 

They finished reading Othello. Sean got emotional at the end, because of course he did. 

Danton wrapped up the soccer season with a final record of 3-7, which was by no means good, but at least it was better than last season. Sean had rounded up half the football team to sit in the student section at that last game, and he had more people cheering for him than he’d ever had in his life. They won that game, and that evening, when Danton had Sean in his car taking him home, they pulled over in a church parking lot just like they had in October. Except this time, it was so Sean could kiss him silly. 

They kept their relationship under wraps, but really, it had never been a secret that they adored each other. The only people who would even notice a difference would be one of their closest friends. Which is exactly what happened.

__________

Danton was holding Sean’s hand while they sat and talked in his truck. It had become an after school routine for them, just because there was always something to talk about, and holding hands was great.

This Thursday afternoon, they were discussing who was the most powerful member of the X-Men (they were both completely indecisive) when Anders suddenly appeared by the passenger door window, smacking both of his hands on the glass and shouting. Danton didn’t flinch, but Sean yelped and grabbed Danton’s arm. 

Anders let himself in the tiny back bench seat of the truck.

“Hey boys, sorry to interrupt your hand holding time, just thought I’d scare ya.” he giggled.

Danton looked over at Sean, struck speechless.

“Oh God, don’t look so scared! It’s fine, I haven’t told anyone.” He said, making an X over his heart. 

Sean spoke first. “Anders… how long have you known?”

“Since like, I dunno. Haven’t you guys been together since, like, forever?”

“What! No!” Danton exclaimed, filled with the sudden dread of _’everyone knows’_.

Anders reached forward and patted him on the arm. “Hey man. Watch the attitude. I have gay aunts.”

There was a moment of silence, and then they all burst into laughter. 

“You’re crazy.” Sean said, turning around to look at Anders, “but you’re a great friend.”

Anders winked and left without another word.

__________

Sean went to visit his mom the week after finals and told her everything- about his dad, about his fears, about Danton. About wanting to stay at Garden Central for his senior year.

A week later, his dad was admitted into a rehab facility close by. His mom talked to her boss, and they had an opening in an office only 20 minutes from Garden Central. She was going to move back into town.

And Danton? Well.

__________

“Danny,” Sean said, voice wavering, from down on one knee. “Will you be my kicker next year?” He knelt on the forty-five yard line and held up a Ring Pop. The school was empty. They’d finished junior year.

Danton rolled his eyes. “No, I’ll be the _Bruins_ kicker next year.”

Sean opened his mouth to protest, probably something about how Danton was no fun-

“But, I _will_ be your boyfriend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: Sean's dad punches him when he's drunk. nothing is explicitly described, but he does have a black eye. also this fic features two 17year olds rolling around in bed a little bit so if that's going to bother you don't read this
> 
> for @delayofgame , (t)here is a happy ending for you . ily
> 
> I have never been to a Cinnabon but I am very fascinated by them. comments and kudos are greatly appreciated especially if you can lmk your experiences at a Cinnabon
> 
> (also for the record this obviously is a work of fiction and by no means a guide for how to deal with alcoholic family members)

**Author's Note:**

> tw: references to Sean's dad being verbally/physically abusive but nothing is explicitly described. 
> 
> I got the 'most school spirit' superlative in high school
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr [@fridgefishwrites](https://fridgefishwrites.tumblr.com)


End file.
